- An Open Letter to the Boys I Have Dated -

Dear BIHD,

I would ask you how you are but to be honest I don't care. And I say that with only about 50% malice because not all of you were bad people but the thing is we don't talk anymore. I think it's too hard to turn off that part of my brain that tells me to not be attracted to you anymore and just see you as a friend.

Or maybe you were prick and I don't want to talk to you or see your face again. Either or.

Anyway, I'm writing to you today to tell you that although we're finito, there are still parts of you in my life. Some of you have introduced me to incredible things; bands/films/TV shows I would never have listened or watched  before you, places I would have never visited and people I would have never met. In the wise words of Fall Out Boy "thnks fr th mmrs". I have shared some incredible moments that I will treasure forever; no matter how or why we ended.

And I've learned so much about myself because of you, about not only who I am as a person but also about who I am in a relationship. You've taught me what to look for in a person...and what to not.

There are some things I have to thank you for to; those butterflies in my stomach when I heard the beep of a text from you, the adventures when we would ditch school to hang out, the miles we walked in the pissing rain because no stranger in a car would pick up two kids thumbing a lift, the hours on the trampoline drinking beer even though we both hated the taste of it, the bands we saw together, the 6am stroll through Limerick because we were too alive to sleep, the train journeys where we learned everything about one another, the nights we sat in bed and just talked while staring at the ceiling, the lack of regret for showing up late for that exam because I overslept at yours.

But then there are things that you did that were really shitty; some of you cheated, some of you lied (which I always knew about because lies have a funny way of being found out eventually), some of didn't listen, didn't care and even worse, some of you pretended to care but really didn't. And then some of you were just plain strange - S/O to that special guy who insisted I say I love you 12 hours after meeting you for the first time. That was really something!

Look, I know the end of us wasn't all down to you. I know that I can be a shitty person too. Sometimes I can be annoying, or say things that I don't mean. My actions didn't always reflect who I am. Some of you might dislike me but I don't think you hate me. I don't think I've ever been someone who can be hated, can I?

You're probably wondering why I'm writing this, yeah? Well last week Valentine's Day took place and it's my second year without a Valentine and I was thinking how that I really didn't mind that. Because there was a time in my life where I couldn't stand the thought of being single, that I needed you to show me affection so that I could feel good about myself. I don't need that anymore and GOD has that taken some time.

I'm in a good place now and I guess I hope you are too. Yes, Tell-Me-You-Love-Me guy, even you.


Aimee